Prejudices are generated in people's lives. Regarding situations that he has experienced or heard about.
It often uses these experiences stored in the brain in later life. If something is
later similar, then those are activated and transferred to the current situation.
This has a certain justification because it allows you to react better and faster.
But if you want or have to deal with a situation more intensely, for example with the behaviour of another person, then it is
important to refrain from what was previously stored, which is imposing, and to take a close look at what is in front of you.
This creates a new goal with a midpoint that stores the other in its real appearance.
This changes your own view of the other.
It is similar with facts.
© It is permitted to use or reproduce this content
without restriction on the condition of naming my website www.karlheinzhermsch.de and without changing or shortening the texts. (Please inquire about exceptions via my imprint.)
Brain science to improve your relationships
On the surface, your
own brain may be your furthest consideration when you are trying to improve your relationships. Yet it is the very place that processes where you perceive, understand, remember, evaluate,
desire, and respond to people.
The somewhat bizarre
fact of life is that the people who are in our lives are not simply who they actually are. They are some interesting mix of who they are and what we make of
them in our brains. If we understand the ways in which relationships impact our brains, we can likely change our brains to alter the ways in which we interact with others too.
Transference is a
psychological phenomenon in which conversational or relational partners activate earlier memories. As a result, we may unconsciously repeat conflicts from the past that have
nothing to do with the current relationship.
For instance, you may
be having an off day and may be a little short with a colleague. The colleague may snap at you in a way that is out of proportion to your actual interaction, since your manner may remind them
of a conflictual and bossy relationship earlier in their lives. These kinds of knee-jerk responses occur in the brain due to the brain’s propensity to make non-conscious predictions based on early life
experiences. They may be unwarranted, but we are usually not aware of them.
you can do: To prevent this kind of situation, introduce new self-reflections, and possibly even points of discussion when you find yourself engaged in a conflict. Ask yourself, “Am I
responding to this person, or am I mixing them up with someone from the past?” This can also make for an interesting discussion when you are trying to resolve a conflict.
Our emotions can be easily transferred to another person without us
even knowing about this. This can also happen through large-scale social networks without in-person
interactions or nonverbal cues.
Interact with a
disgruntled group online, and you are likely to feel disgruntled as well. On the other hand, interacting with a positive group will probably make you feel more positive. Often,
our negative emotions such as anger are transferred
more easily than positive ones. It’s meant to be to our evolutionary advantage to be able to pick up emotions that quickly, but sometimes it can interfere with relationship dynamics. The
culprits responsible for this contagion in the brain are called mirror neurons. They are specialized to
automatically pick up the emotions of others.
you can do: When you are interacting online, ensure that you know that whatever content you are consuming is likely to impact your mood. Be judicious about this depending on what you want
In interactions with
friends, colleagues, or romantic partners, be aware that their negative emotions could throw you into a negative state, even if you do not actually feel negative. Many a fearful dating
partner has turned off the other person automatically because they somehow start to feel afraid as well.
Be aware when your
partner or colleague “makes” you angry. You may not actually be angry with them, but instead, mistaking their anger for yours when your brain reflects their feeling states.
When you are trying to
negotiate with someone, you may think it helpful to reflect their emotions, but this emotional empathy could backfire. In most instances, it’s far more
effective to use cognitive empathy instead. When you use cognitive empathy, the other person becomes less defensive and feels heard too. While there is some overlap, cognitive empathy
activates a mentalizing network in the brain, which differs
from the emotional mirroring mechanisms of emotional empathy.
you can do: When trying to resolve a conflict, try using cognitive empathy rather than emotional empathy to resolve the conflict. This means that you reflect on what they are saying, and
then neutrally paraphrase what they are saying or intending. Paraphrasingcan actually decrease their anger and reactivity. It’s a form of cognitive empathy, indicating that you are able to walk in their shoes.
Changing your own
brain’s automatic reactions can help you navigate relationships more effectively. By knowing when to examine and explore transference, emotional empathy, and cognitive empathy in different
situations, relationships have the potential to deepen too.