Conversation about wrong goals

 

I once wrote a conversation with Phil Osof that I would like to repeat here.

 

 
"You spoke of 'fake goals'. How would you define that? " I ask.
 
"Wrong goals are behaviours that harm you (and possibly others)", Phil Osof answers.
 
"First of all, goals are the essence of the universe. More precisely, everything wants to form a figure - a structure - according to the laws. "
 
"So it is with the people?"
 
"Of course, the human being is not outside the universe - accordingly, he is also subject to this principle, runs according to goals:

 
The inorganic is governed by laws (which may be called a goal).
 
The organic as well. But here are the goals of survival, which complicate the simple processes and allow more laws to come into play
.

 
Now there are healthy and unhealthy goals.
The latter I call 'false goals'.
 
These let one, if one goes into it, the consequences as possible not see. Anything that could harm them is lowered in value, to a level that is less noticed or completely eliminated. That way they can shape one more or less - and they act accordingly unhealthily. "
 
"Could you give an example of wrong goals?"
 
"Well - about an addiction. If you are affected by this, many healthy goals can often only work in a limited way. "
 
"Do you like to say what your wrong goals are?"
 
"My personal? For example, anything that does not fit my frame. "
 
He thought. "It's like this: Not everything that rises emotionally or mentally comes to mind is right, so healthy."
 
"You do not trust your feeling?"
 
"The more experience I have in a field, the more I trust my feelings."
 
"So you could set the rule: the more experience one has in an area, the more one can trust one's feelings when making decisions - and vice versa?"
 
Osof nodded in agreement. "Human are born into a society and accept their goals ..."
 
"You mean, for the reason just mentioned, some of those goals might be wrong?" I interrupted.
 
"For sure. Since they shape a human being, he is brought into a certain structure by them, he often cannot see the negative part of it, or, if they do, it's hard to change because they have a tough persistence effect. They are intrinsic and often authoritarian.
The brain works with similarities - so human also react similarly in later life in similar situations - and has difficulty escaping this trap if these reactions have become unhealthy over time.
For example, because it makes it easier to adapt to a changed world or new knowledge. You could possibly change it by understanding the reason and the process." 


He thought for a moment. "To get back to the nature of the goals: how goals work, how to be governed by them, for example in unusual situations, you notice when you react sometimes, even though you did not want to react."
 
I nodded. "You once defined it like that: 'The midpoint is the shape that makes a goal of one'."
 
"Yes, in this case the wrong target. The midpoint structures the perception of the outer world and that of oneself. He chooses out of what he finds and what he thinks has value for the goal. Everything else is reduced in value. The goal gives shape to the world. This can go so far that you cannot see things as they were, because they are totally re-evaluated. The midpoint can be like a sorcerer, changing everything with lightning speed. This is how a new world is created. This gives rise to freedom, that is to say, one does not perceive much, or only perceives it marginally. At the same time, however, one is also trapped in the midpoint and no longer sees many things. It only comes to the fore, which is important. Everything else, passes' so to speak. "
 
"The midpoints then takes over the direction, makes the human beings?"
 
"Yes. Goals are the key factors. "Everything has the goal of forming a figure according to the laws. Whatever one questions, analyses or researches on the causes: Without exception, you will find goals that have been structured according to the respective midpoints.
 
 
Osof was silent for a while. Then he continued, "Regarding finding the wrong targets: However, sometimes it can be very hard to figure out what goals are behind a behaviour. Et al when they belong to the dark side of human. "
 
"Under 'dark side' do you understand what exactly?"

 

"Anything that is difficult or impossible to reconcile with your own conscience and that could hurt your self-esteem.

These goals can be very well camouflaged. In some cases, if you want to track them down, you need to be extremely honest with yourself. And this is often painful because the beautiful image you have of yourself becomes uncomfortable and sometimes very embarrassing. Man wants to keep his previous positive self-image as possible. "

 

"Self-knowledge can be so difficult."

 

"Yes, and the harder you go deeper into your dark layers, the harder it becomes."

 

 

"What should one, generally speaking, aspire to?" I changed the subject.

 

"Health and sufficient means to life."

 

"That sounds relatively modest."

 

"It's healthy to be modest. And I think you should not overdo your goals, because goals that are not achievable are always wrong goals. "

 

"With what effects?"

 

"If you can run the risk of being permanently frustrated by constantly failing to reach an impossible goal, it can lead to depression."

 

"So, you should set your goals realistic."

 

"Important goals are often set in childhood, when parents come up with the idea of demanding something for their child's life that cannot possibly be achieved, even from its later structure, then you plant a false goal in man, that is him Often such goals are fixed in the unconscious and are difficult to detect.

In any case, since satisfaction depends on the level of expectation, one should not set too high or hard to achieve goals. Because that's very likely to set your own dissatisfaction. "

 

"You say the less a goal is achieved, the more dissatisfaction can grow."

 

He nodded. "A wrong goal is also to try to change things of the past, for example, because you made mistakes.

Anyone who does not accept the past - and this includes the most recent, that is, what has just happened - has one false goal: namely, the assumption that the world should have been so, that it should have happened the way it is had introduced himself. "

 

"Acceptance means only fighting not against the past, but the future, and that includes the youngest, trying to shape things differently, right?"

 

"That's what I mean. Otherwise, energy is wasted unnecessarily. "

 

"So, a wrong target is also, if not what has hoped, and you are angry at it, complains about the fate? So, is anger at the world, non-acceptance always a mistake? "

 

"Naturally."

 

"For the terminally ill, is life - staying alive - a wrong destination?"

 

"Yes, that will torment him, as long as his goal is not death."

 

"So long as he cannot let go of life?"

 

"Yes, to be left by the old goal."

 

 

Osof thought for a moment and then said, "Even if I repeat myself: What happened, had to happen, as it happened.

Any unhealthy thing you are aiming for is wrong goals. And you have the merciless freedom to pursue them - and to bear the consequences.

 

A good example of wrong goals are thoughts and feelings that fool you into coming from God or a higher mystical instance. Because there is neither God nor a higher mystical entity. "

 

"So, you should see what targets are in one, have taken root?"

 

"It's very important to recognize yourself. As I said, this includes the belief that there is a God. Perhaps this could be helped by dealing with its primal structures.

 

Or that life, generally speaking, makes no sense. "

 

"General?"

 

"By that I mean that one cannot generally make that statement, because the meaning of life is to live.

Restricted may well be that life has no meaning, for example, if you are terminally ill and suffering from unbearable pain.

Well, in any case, false goals in humans can have catastrophic consequences - for humans themselves and for their fellow human beings. "

 

"That includes superstition?"

 

"Surely. Superstition - that is to say, in spite of all the contradictory proofs - is a false goal that makes people see the world wrong. "

 

"Maybe human wants to see the world like that - although this view is not the right one?"

 

"I could imagine that. Humans like to fade out with the midpoint-mechanics, which could affect his beliefs.

There are also people who believe that everything in or out of them is right and healthy - and perhaps believe that a higher authority - such as God - has set it up that way.

That's blind. Blinded by a wrong target that may even fool you, you are perfect in yourself.

This is part of the area of complacency; to see everything as positive as possible - and thereby to feel satisfied.

 

Of course, those who are designed in this way do not work on their own, do not question parts of themselves - and thus always make the same mistakes. And can be a danger to themselves and others because these people often do not let anyone through the wall they have built around them. "

 

"Central points, in order to avoid getting caught in the wrong goals, so is first of all the self-knowledge and then - more importantly - overcome yourself?"

 

"Yes. But as I said, human has the merciless freedom to make his mistakes. But he also has the chance to live a healthy life and to be satisfied with sufficient resources. "

 

"So, everything that is unhealthy, as possible to avoid."

 

"Yes. For example, gluttony, vanity, envy to be a slave to impulses, to resolve the urge to use drugs or conflict with violence.

On the latter: I personally try to resolve conflicts with the head and the feeling - because all history shows: violence generates violence! It follows that violence is not a solution.

 

In any case, for these growths of life, human often simply gives in to his simple feelings, which serve the respective themes to the point of satisfaction. This is, in two words, light and unhealthy. "

 

 

After another pause, he said, "It can be indescribably beautiful to be left by oneself - more precisely, by one's false goals. If you are in the frame that you have put together yourself and thereby have a lot of freedom from the negative goals. "

 

"The frame is basically the constitution you give yourself - so you can say that the frame protects you from yourself?"

 

"Yes. The framework promotes the positive and reduces the energy of the negative goals.

 

He is based on (self) knowledge. In order to be able to react to changes, he is flexible - in contrast to the framework (the Dogmas) of religions."

 

 

 

 

A study - (Neuroscience news) - 2018:

The Declaration of Independence guaranteed Americans the right to pursue happiness, and we haven’t stopped looking for it since. But despite the college coursesresearch labs and countless self-help books dedicated to that search, only 33% of Americans actually said they were happy in a 2017 survey.

A new paper may help explain why: We’re trying too hard.

The research, published in the journal Emotion, found that overemphasizing happiness can make people more likely to obsess over failure and negative emotions when they inevitably do happen, bringing them more stress in the long run.

“Happiness is a good thing, but setting it up as something to be achieved tends to fail,” explains co-author Brock Bastian, a social psychologist at the University of Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences in Australia, in an email to TIME. “Our work shows that it changes how people respond to their negative emotions and experiences, leading them to feel worse about these and to ruminate on them more.”

The study involved two separate experiments. In the first, a group of Australian psychology students were asked to solve 35 anagrams in three minutes — but, unbeknownst to them, 15 couldn’t be solved. Thirty-nine of the students completed this task in a room decorated with motivational posters, notes and books. The proctor in this room was also told by the experimenters to speak cheerfully, and to off-handedly mentioned the importance of happiness. Meanwhile, another 39 students completed the same test in a neutral room, with a neutral proctor. A third group of 38 students completed a solvable task in a room that emphasized happiness similarly to the first room.

Afterward, the researchers asked all students to do a breathing exercise, during which they were periodically asked about their thoughts. Compared to the other two groups, students who performed the impossible task in the “happiness room” were more likely to think back to their failure and get stuck on these negative thoughts, which was in turn associated with feeling more negative emotions. Those who completed the impossible task in the neutral room and those who completed the solvable task in the happiness room did not differ significantly in how much they thought back to the exercise.

In a second experiment, the researchers asked about 200 American adults how often they experienced and thought about negative emotions, as well as their views on how society perceives those emotions. Participants who said they felt like society expects them to be happy, or looks down on emotions such as anxiety and depression, were more likely than other respondents to stress about feeling negative emotions, and to experience reductions in well-being and life satisfaction as a result.

“When people place a great deal of pressure on themselves to feel happy, or think that others around them do, they are more likely to see their negative emotions and experiences as signals of failure,” Bastian says. “This will only drive more unhappiness.”

Bastian says the study isn’t a condemnation of trying to be happy; rather, it underscores the importance of knowing and accepting that feeling unhappy sometimes is just as normal and healthy.

“The danger of feeling that we should avoid our negative experiences is that we respond to them badly when they do arise,” Bastian says. “We have evolved to experience a complex array of emotional states, and about half of these are unpleasant. This is not to say they are less valuable, or that having them detracts from our quality of life.”

In fact, recent research has suggested that experiencing negative emotions can ultimately boost happiness, and another new study finds that stressful or unpleasant situations may help people process bad news. Bastian also adds that failure can be invaluable for learning and growth.

“Failure is critical to innovation, learning and progress,” he says. “Every successful organization knows that failure is part of the road to success, so we need to know how to respond well to failure.”

Doing so will likely take a culture change. A society that embraces messy emotions and experiences, Bastian says, is one that is poised for better mental health.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________